Painfully Lost
by IPeppermints
Summary: Will is breaking, and he thinks he's about to lose it all... But someone opens the door and brings him back to reality he doesn't want to leave.


**Title:** Painfully Lost

**Genre:** Angst, Romance

**Rating:** OT+

**Summary:** Will is breaking, and he thinks he's about to lose it all... But someone opens the door and brings him back to reality.

* * *

The young man with wavy brown hair woke up in damp sweat, shivering and shaking and wondering what was wrong with himself. The nightmares were getting worse. They usually only plagued him while he worked on a case, but now, they were there every night. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he tried to control himself, to stop himself from screaming like he desperately wanted to. There wasn't anything else for him to do, the pain and terror had reached its height, more than anything he had experienced. He let out a breath, realizing that it was freezing. The young man trembled as he forced himself up. He glanced at his clock.

He cursed to himself as he realized he had slept in. Forcing himself back down on the bed he tried to regain his breath, only to cry into his hands while he sat. He bit down his lip before he looked around, hearing whimpers at his door. He probably did scream last night. His dogs were on edge. He got up, opening the door only to be jumped by them. He let out a weak laugh as he hugged the first to his chest. He let himself sit on the floor, hugging which ever one was wanted to be in his lap before he let out a soft sob.

It was a painful thing.

He could barely hold himself together long enough to go to work. It hurt to smile at Jack and Doctor Bloom. His state of mind crumbled as he tried to solve the crimes that were presented to him. He was breaking, his last bit of sanity, shattering as he put a smile on his face, forced an arrogant tone in his voice and looked like a fool for Doctor Lecter, Hannibal. He wanted to hit his head against the wall, hopefully it would bleed enough so he could think.

He didn't want to get up, clinging to his dogs who were all licking his cheeks and hands. Sobbing, he couldn't make himself get ready for work. He was already late. He had slept through his appointment with Hannibal, still, he was supposed to be there right now, and now probably going to sob through the rest of the day. It was nice to let all of his emotions out, but it left him feeling strangely empty. He didn't want to get ready so instead he decided to take a day off, just to cry and let himself stay here. He closed his eyes, and suddenly, he saw something terrible. Whenever he closed his eyes, images of terrible things haunted him, so he let out a scream, frightening his dogs. They pulled away, looking at him before looking around the room and growling. He trembled even more, letting out a loud whimper. He tried to keep his eyes open even though they felt heavy.

It was stressful. It was horrible. He was scared. Everything about himself made him feel sick. "No, no, no." He moaned, nails clawing at his face, leaving dark red lines down his cheeks and neck. He let out another scream, scooting back and shaking his head.

Terrible images.

Were his eyes open?

"No! Go away! No, no, stop it!" His voice sounded like it belonged to someone else. He had never heard such a terrible scream filled with so much... _pain._ Who was screaming? Was that really him? It couldn't be him who was screaming... He let out another scream, nails raking across his skin again as he tried to gain control over reality and what he was dreaming up in his mind. The dogs were barking, growling, going crazy as their master screamed about something they could not protect him from.

Suddenly someone had his wrists in their hands, shaking him awake from his nightmares. His hands trembled against the strong hold, and he finally opened his eyes, not realizing he had closed them. Tears started to drip down his cheeks, another thin layer of sweat had covered his body, but he was still so cold.

The dogs calmed with him, and he looked around the room. They quieted and slowly left the room though one or two stayed another few minutes before leaving as well. They recognized the man who had entered the room. "No, please, go away..." Will groaned, trying to pull his wrist away, feeling the cuts on his face sting because he was sweating so much. He shivered as the other man loosed his grasp on his wrists only to soothingly rub his palm with his thumb. Will opened his eyes again to stare at Hannibal, the older man he was supposed to meet with earlier that day.

"Are you alright now, Will?" His voice was so calm. The younger's shaky breathing became more steady, letting the other man hold his hands gently. "You missed our appointment. I was worried, so I came here to find out if anything had happened. I knocked on the door when I heard screaming and the dogs barking, so I let myself in." He let go of one of Will's hand to stroke his bleeding cheek. "Your face... you hurt yourself, Will."

The young man bowed his eyes, cheeks flushing a little at the touch. His eyes still felt teary. He wanted to cry. "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"I... I missed our appointment. I should have called you, so you didn't have to worry."

"I'm happy I came over." Hannibal said sternly. "If I hadn't, you would probably still be screaming."

Will nodded his head though his lips quivered slightly. He didn't want to embarrass himself anymore in front of the older man, so he did his best to hold back anymore tears. But then his eyes widened, tears spilling down his cheeks as he was pulled into a tight hug. Will let out a strange, strangled noise as he began to sob loudly into the older man's shoulder, clinging tightly to him. His slender body felt like it fit perfectly with the broader one. He was shaking, and for a few minutes, he felt like the only thing keeping him together was Hannibal's arms. After what felt like hours of his loud sobbing, it turned to hiccups and finally harsh breathing in silence. The whole time Hannibal hadn't said a word, only gently rubbing circles into Will's back.

"Is that all?" Hannibal asked gently. "If you need to cry anymore, you have no need to hold back."

"I ruined your suit." He managed the words shakily as he looked up at Hannibal's amused face.

"I have many more suits at home. Besides, I can always buy a new one. Don't worry about me, Will. I need to take care of you. I won't let you cry alone again," The smaller man pressed his face into Hannibal's coat, sniffling. He could feel Hannibal's hands run through his hair softly.

"Thank you." He managed to whisper though he felt ashamed at how badly he had acted.

"How long have the nightmares been going on?" Hannibal asked, still on the floor with Will in his arms and not seeming to make a move to get anywhere.

"Since about two months ago." Will managed to choke out, hands still clinging to Hannibal. "I wanted to tell you for a while, but I... I decided it was just nightmares. Some aren't even connected to the cases I work on, they're just... bad dreams. I didn't want to bother you over it, so I decided to just wait until they were over."

"Have they gotten worse?"

"I don't know. I dream them every night, but I can't remember all of it. I just know when I'm in the dream I scared. And when I wake up, its cold and I'm covered in sweat... I don't want to sleep anymore, but my body forces me to get at least a few hours every couple of nights. And each time I close my eyes, even when I'm awake, longer than just blinking... Recently I see things too." He started shaking again. "And I'm scared. They won't go away or leave me alone. I don't want to see anything when I close my eyes, but I do!"

"It's all in your head, Will... Nothing can hurt you." He whispered, voice suddenly becoming very sweet. "I won't let anything hurt you..." Will moved a little, sitting up a little more before kissing the older man on the lips. There was a moment of surprise before the doctor began to kiss back. Will closed his eyes, expecting for something to scare him but instead, he saw nothing. He felt so good. Kissing Hannibal was blissful. When they broke away, they stared at each other, breathing heavily. "Did you close your eyes?" The younger man nodded. "What did you see?"

"N-nothing." He managed to get out, face flushing red. Hannibal let out an amused chuckle before he moved towards him to press his lips against Will's lips, this time it was quick and brief but it had the same calming effect. A hand slipped under the thin white shirt, feeling the ribs of the younger man.

"You eat very poorly, don't you?"

"I..."

"Lack of sleep and a poor diet to top off your nightmares and mental health is very bad, Will." Hannibal almost sounded disappointed before he got up, helping his patient up as well. Hannibal automatically regretted it as shaking hands clutched his arms weakly. "Will?"

"J-just a little dizzy." He manages, black spots dancing in visions as he tried to remain still by holding on to the closest thing to him, Hannibal. The older man merely sighed before waiting until Will steadied and looked up at him. Then he was helped onto the bed which was cool, a towel laid where Hannibal suspected Will slept, still damp from sweat, and thick blankets piled at the edge. "I'm usually stronger than this."

"Are you?" Again, an amused tone entered his tone as his eyes went to look over the smaller man beside him. "You should probably sleep-"

"No! I- no, no, I don't want to sleep right now." He says quickly, but Hannibal finds it is quite easy to press the smaller man down against the sheets. He can feel Will's heart beat quicken, his breathing, hitched as Hannibal could not stop himself from leaning over the pretty body. Will let out a soft moan as Hannibal pressed his body against his own. He felt so needy as his hands went to touch the man above him. His mouth felt dry as he tried to ignore how hot he felt, heavenly compared to how cold it usually was."H-Hannibal, I-"

Hannibal kisses him, cutting him off from whatever he had wanted to say. There is no objection as he feels arms wrap around his neck, trying to keep him there, to keep him from breaking the kiss. The younger man begins to pull at Hannibal's tie the moment the kiss had ended. He chuckles, expecting it as he begins to take off his many layers, leaving him with only his white button up shirt and the very loose tie now. He helps the younger man sit up, slipping his shirt over his head. He watches as Will, despite appearances, fumbles with the buttons, proving to be graceless. His cheeks flush a deep red as he glances up. Hannibal smirks before he takes both of the smaller hands into his own, kissing the finger tips before the tip of Will's nose, causing the mentally unstable man to become even more flustered.

He finishes taking off his shirt, wantonly Will shaky reached out, hands running down the skin before he was pushed back down on the sheets. Hannibal quickly went back to kissing Will. He pressed butterfly kisses against the tanned skin, moving his lips down to his neck before tasting the body beneath him with a soft nibble against the shoulder. "You're perfect." He sighed softly, watching as the younger trembled.

Will was too tempting. Even with his mental state so broken, Hannibal realized he had never wanted to consume someone as much as he wished he could now. Will was suddenly everything to him. His hands had wanted to touch the younger but he stopped, pushing back the desire to touch Will. The unstable man whimpered, trying to get his attention now.

"I'm sorry... I..." Hannibal ran a hand through is hair, still on the younger who stared up at him questionably. "I don't know. I can't."

"W-why?" Will tried not to look too upset about it, feeling him face burn with a different emotion, humiliation. "I'm sorry-"

"It's not you." The doctor whispered comfortingly, fingers lightly touching Will's cheeks. The younger let out another soft moan at the simple touch, biting his lip as he hoped he didn't appear too needy. "I can't do this when you can't properly consent to it."

"No! I want this-"

"You're exhausted mentally and physically. You don't understand what this means. I won't take advantage of you." He said sternly, moving off of Will who automatically reached out, latching onto him tightly. Hannibal sighed, hugging him back and breathing in deeply, loving the smell of his dear patient. He waited a few minutes before he decided to speak again. "Will?"

"Don't leave me." The younger man demanded, still holding on. "I won't forgive you if you leave me now. Just... just lay down next to me, please. I won't ask you to do anything... just stay with me."

Hannibal nodded, lying on the bed with Will clinging onto him still, shirtless and bodies still hot from the previous scene. They laid there for a few minutes, both men held each other like they had been missing each other for years. He waited until the unstable man's breathing had calmed until it was just soft enough to tell he was sleeping, hands and bare skin still pressed together, and Hannibal knew how warm it was in the room. He couldn't believe he had really rejected an opportunity to have what he had wanted for the longest time. And why had he said no? Because Will couldn't say yes and mean it, he was tired, mind probably thinking this was a dream, unstable, out of his right mind, hungry and probably a little more than just weak, he couldn't consent. And Hannibal couldn't let himself have sex if he didn't get a proper answer. Instead he held the younger man in a tight embrace. "I love you, my dear Will." He mumbled, hands stroking the soft hair. "I'll take care of you."

A few hours later, Will woke up, still being held by the doctor. It surprised the younger man that Hannibal was asleep. Their legs, still entwined and hands still around each other. He wondered how he had been comfortable in this position when he used to toss and turn in bed.

Will settled for clinging onto the precious moments until he would be forced to face reality and leave Hannibal's arms.


End file.
